2 days ago1 min read
New Year Resolutions Found Dead, Authorities Suspect “Directionless Optimism”
Authorities have warned that over 95 percent of New Year resolutions will be found dead by the end of January, based on early indicators and decades of identical outcomes. Officials confirmed the resolutions are not dying naturally. “They are being killed,” said a senior authority. “Ruthlessly. Without mercy.” According to investigators, most resolutions are taken with great confidence and then systematically abandoned within days. Common methods include ignoring them, postpo
